Alexis is how she was born. When my children were born she, who identified as a he, became yeah-yeah. I don’t exactly remember how, but the non-gender-specific name was helpful as my children grew. I could pretty much avoid the subject. Was that a cruel way to deal with something I had no idea how to deal with? Avoiding it?
When she had an optional double mastectomy it was time for me, our Mom, and everyone else to get serious about identifying her as he truly felt on the inside.
Alex got married to Chelle (I was totally there) and it was a beautiful showing of love.
Now in order to truly become more of a man, he is taking testosterone. I was kindly “warned” about this fact, but I don’t think I reacted in quite the right way. Had we been without video, there may have been one of those long awkward pauses…good thing I just made a “I have no idea what to say” face instead. That’s way better…
My mouth hasn’t quite caught up with my heart or my brain. I find myself starting to say her, she, and “seestor” but then another one of those long awkward pauses comes out. I love my sibling (there I go again…) no matter what; that isn’t going to change. I know how I feel, but it matters what comes out of my mouth, too. It matters to him and I’m sorry if it takes a little while for my mouth to catch up.